It has been much too long since I took the time to record some of my thoughts or ideas here. Much of the reason for that is that this has become a season of searching and seeking and questioning and praying. Not always the easiest thing to put out there for others to read. Especially since I still have no answers or even clear direction on where to go from here. I’m still firmly in the midst of the questions.
It’s been more than two years now that I’ve been trying to raise support and planning for long-term ministry in Zimbabwe. While God has blessed me with some faithful supporters and partners and I have had opportunities to share my dream with many people, there has not been much financial support come in to support such an endeavour.
So now, the questions run rampant: Do I try to continue to raise support to minister in Zimbabwe despite my lack of fruitfulness so far? Is this God closing a door or directing me in a different direction? If so, what direction? What other dreams are on my heart that could provide some sense of where to go next? How do I figure out which (if any) of these dreams to give my time an attention to? How do you pray and seek answers from God in the midst of uncertainty and confusion? How do I honour the faithfulness of those who believed in my ministry and have already been supporting me? Where do I go from here?
So far, answers have been hard to come by. Sometimes it actually seems like the more I try to clarify things and pray things through, the more uncertain I seem to be. And so I continue to sit back and wait and pray and dream and consider options. I talk things over with friends and try to understand and journal and think and let go and see what God has for me. I pray and wait some more . . . and wait.
Out of the depths I cry to you, LORD;
2 Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.
3 If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
5 I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
6 I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.